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What to do when your toddler wakes very frequently between his bedtime and when you go to bed?

Dr Pamela Douglas18th of Sep 202323rd of May 2024

toddler asleep in bed

Does your toddler wake frequently, even every half an hour or so, between when you put him down in the evening, and your own bedtime? It can hardly seem worth the effort to leave the room and try to have a normal evening, when you know any minute she'll be crying out for you! You might even begin to dread the evenings, since they are so filled with frustration and exhaustion.

There are number of things which can cause this problem. You can find out more here. I'll address three of them on this page, with links to where you can find help.

  1. It may be that your toddler is going down to sleep too early, relative to her own unique sleep needs. This may not be an obvious thing. You might even think this can't possibly be the case, because she is so obviously tired and grizzly early in the evening! But toddler bedtimes are much closer to parent bedtimes in most cultures. It's true that your toddler's sleep pressure may be high early in the evening, and that she usually dials up at this time of day. But once you know how to work with her body clock and sleep pressure, by doing a reset, then after a couple of weeks the evenings are likely to be much more manageable. This does require thinking about the evenings quite differently though, and filling them up with rich sensory motor nourishment for your toddler - which hopefully means, before all else, a much more interesting and enjoyable evening for you, with toddler fitting in around your evening activities and social life.

  2. It could also be that your toddler is napping for longer than she needs during the day. You can find out about this here.

  3. It could be that your toddler's morning get up times need attention. You can find out about this here.

These ideas can sound very different to what you've thought of as healthy for your toddler's sleep, or workable for you and your family, especially when you first hear them. But we want evenings - and sleep generally - to be as easy as possible for you and your family. We want the evenings to be filled with as much enjoyment together as you can possibly create! This is the way to make child and parent sleep healthy, long-term.

I invite you to experiment with these ideas, and see what you think after you've given them a go, in your own unique family life!

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How to manage evenings with your toddler when you're just too tired or don't have help?

toddler plays in bathtub

Evenings are often the hardest time of day when you have a toddler, and more so if you're doing evenings on your own

Are you one of those heroic women who find themselves alone in the evening, the only one responsible for your toddler - after a long day in which you’ve also been the primary carer? Or you may be a parent, a father or a carer of non-binary gender, equally heroic, who finds yourself alone with your toddler most evenings.

This could be for many reasons. Sometimes it's because you're an autonomous parent, often by choice, also often not by choice. Sometimes your child's other parent is away performing paid work. Sometimes your partner is in the house performing paid work or studying, and not available to help. Maybe you have older children, too. But here you are, parenting with minimal or no support.

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