Fussiness at the breast reason #4: baby has developmentally normal distractibility

Daytime breastfeeds often become very short and irregular as your baby gets older

Breastfeeds often become quite irregular and short during the day from when your baby is about three months of age. This is normal.

At this age, your baby is able to transfer surprisingly large amounts of milk in a very short period of time. Also, it doesn't help to try to separate out whether your baby is hungry for milk or hungry for a moment of closeness and the sensory motor stimulation which comes with a little breastfeed. Things tend to go best if you are able to use the breast frequently and flexibly, as your superpower for keeping the days (and nights) as easy as possible.

You can find out about frequent and flexible breastfeeds here.

Distractibility at the breast during the day and evenings is a healthy sign of an older baby's hunger for rich and changing sensory motor stimulation

Your baby's voracious hunger for seeing the world and experiencing the world through her senses is developmentally normal. Distractibility at the breast is a sign of your child's powerful neurological need for very rich and diverse sensory motor experiences, as she lays down neural pathways in response to sensory motor stimulation, which will last her a lifetime. In fact, we have more reason to worry if a little one isn't communicating an ongoing need for sensory motor adventures!

• You can find out about your baby's need for rich and changing sensory motor nourishment here.

• You can find out what to do about babies who don't cue a lot here.

From about three or four months of age, most breastfeeding women notice that baby often only wants a moment at the breast during the day, before looking away for the next exciting new event. Usually it's easiest just to keep offering the breast anyway.

Sometimes, if you're feeling a little over it, you might try offering a change of sensory motor experience instead! Babies often seem to want to breastfeed a lot more inside the house, which is a low sensory environment. When you're out and about, your little one might ask for the breast less often.

Things go best when breastfeeding women create days outside the home (either in the outdoors or in interesting new interior environments) which are socially-rich, full of pleasant walking and activities. Create days which are satisfying and enjoyable to you, and this will also help keep your baby dialled down. Breastfeeds can occur in a way that is convenient to you, on the go: the baby fits into days that you enjoy. Often the breastfeeds won't last long when you are out because there is so much else to look at and experience!

Breastfeeding your baby in a quiet room away away from distractions during the day or evening doesn't help and can even backfire

Advice to feed your baby in a quiet dark room or to find a quiet place for breastfeeds when your baby is distractible can be spectacularly unhelpful. Your baby is likely to dial up more in a quiet or dimmed place because there is not enough sensory motor nourishment. Maybe your baby was dialling up inside the house because she wanted a richer sensory experience, anyway, rather than because she needed to breastfeed!

Of course, an exhausted breastfeeding woman may have hopes of the baby falling to sleep at the breast and may be rather desperate to make the breastfeed work, by filling up the baby and sending her to sleep. But this approach typically doesn't help with better sleep overall, and can lead to cycles of conditioned dialling up at the breast, as you accidentally place pressure on the baby to breastfeed (and sleep!).

It works best to experiment between your two superpowers (frequent flexible feeds, and rich sensory motor experience) for making the days with your baby as easy as possible. If you're offering frequent flexible breastfeeds, you don't need to worry if your little one is distractible at the breast - he can always come back later. Over a 24-hour period, he'll take the milk he needs.

If you feel able to offer the breast generously, without watching the clock, without counting, but just whenever it seems as though it might dial her down, even just for a very short time, then you are giving your child a most wonderful gift. You'll be able to celebrate your little one's enormous curiosity about the world (which means that she doesn't like to spend too long at the breast during the day), without worrying about how much milk she's getting in with any particular breastfeed.