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Bring your attention back to the present moment over and over when you're caring for a baby or toddler

Dr Pamela Douglas22nd of Jul 202313th of Dec 2024

hands holding a daisy mindfulness

Being able to bring our attention back into the present moment is the key to mental and emotional wellbeing, life-long

It’s not possible to be in the present moment 100% of the time. I love losing myself in a good book, for instance, or a movie, and sometimes I like to daydream.

What matters is your capacity to notice where your attention is, and then to bring your attention back into the present moment, over and over. The research shows that this capacity to tenderly control where you place your attention is the basis for good mental health and wellbeing, not just when you have a baby or toddler, but throughout the whole of your life.

Women and parents get through this incredibly challenging time caring for a little one by simply showing up and paying attention in this minute, and the next minute, and the next minute. That's how you get through.

So at the end of the day, what matters is not how often you were elsewhere in your brain, worrying about future things or turning over memories and sensations from the past. What matters is how often you manage to catch yourself being caught up in unhelpful or repetitive negative thoughts, and then gently coax your attention back into the present moment.

drop of water hanging from a leaf

Bringing our attention home to the present moment is as easy as a drop of water, falling

Sometimes an exhausted woman looks at me, baby bouncing on her lap, and says: "That just seems like something else I have to do." I know exactly what she means. She is already more tired than she could ever have imagined.

But I tell her gently that it's not something she has to do. It's more like falling.

I say: "Let it be easy, like breathing out. Like a drop of water, falling."

This is how I do it. I remember (yet again, for the one millionth time) that I want to gently return my attention to the present moment. So I let go of effort, and gently drop right back in. I begin noticing things again.

This is how we get through life, I think, and definitely the way to get through these days of caring for a little one: returning over and over again to the mysterious generosity of the present moment, which lies there waiting for us, always.

Recommended resources

The five mindfulness myths. Dr Russ Harris

Recommended resources, acknowledgements, and selected references for the articles in the Caring for you section of The Possums Sleep Program are found here, including selected research evaluations of both Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Compassion-focused Therapy in the perinatal period.

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Next up in how can I take care of myself? how can others help me?

Knowing a few science-based (+ heart-centred) ways of looking after your mental health and emotions can be life-changing when you're caring for a baby or toddler

child with red bow in hair holds both parents hands

If you practice strategies which protect your emotional and mental health now, you'll also be shoring up your resilience, life-long

Knowing how to care for your mind and your emotions can transform your life with a baby or toddler. We might go for days or weeks forgetting about these tools, but what matters is that we have them in our tool kit to lean on when the going's tough.

The lovely thing is that the more we practice them when we are caring for a baby or toddler, the more we lay down new neural pathways which serve us well for the rest of our life (even when our little one has left home, which really will happen one day, believe it or not).

The Possums Sleep Program draws on both Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Compassionate Mind Training

In the Caring for you section of The Possums...

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