Your values are those things in life that really matter to you. Your values are the things that make your life meaningful.

If you're having a difficult time, your values guide you through. When you receive a lot of conflicting advice about how to care for your baby or toddler, or what to do about your little one's sleep, thinking about values really helps.

One way I think of my values is as my guiding stars. If I live from my values, I'm living from my heart. My values are like the constellation of the Southern Cross. Because I live in the southern hemisphere, I know the Southern Cross is always there in the night sky, even when it’s hidden by clouds. Once I know where the Southern Cross is, then I know how to find south, which means I know how to go in any direction - I am oriented. I know how to find my way home.

Othertimes, I think of my values as a lighthouse, whose pulsing beams of light guide my little boat home over stormy seas at night. Though it's terrifyingly dark, and the seas are wild, the lighthouse guides me to safety.

Your values are what bring you deep satisfaction and joy in life, even though living from your values might also bring pain and difficulty. Sometimes we need to live by our values even when others don’t understand or approve our choices. I can’t say living from my values has been easy, and I definitely can’t say I’ve always got it right. But I try to practice self-compassion and am proud of how bravely I’ve tried to live from my values throughout my life.

The things that you value are unique to you, much the way the colour of your eyes or the shape of your hand or foot are unique to you. Which is not to say that your values won't also change over time. They often do, but they're still uniquely yours. Or you might find that one set of values is dominant in your life for a time, but then another set of values comes to the fore.

Alongside working through the steps of The Possums Sleep Program, I suggest taking a little time to work out what matters most as to you as a parent. When your family has baby or toddler sleep problems, your values will help find your way through.

Recommended resources

The choice point. Dr Russ Harris

Monsters on a boat. Dr Russ Harris

Recommended resources, acknowledgements, and selected references for the articles in the Caring for you section of The Possums Sleep Program are found here, including selected research evaluations of both Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Compassion-focused Therapy in the perinatal period.