Toddlers often need less daytime sleep than we think

How important is it that your toddler naps during the day?

A primary carer sometimes feels under great pressure to get her toddler to sleep during the day. There are a number of reasons for this. It may be that you're

• Desperate for a break or desperate to get some things done. It’s completely normal to long for your toddler to fall asleep during the day, so that you can have a break!

• Worried that if your toddler doesn’t get enough sleep during the day, it will impact on his capacity to learn and develop well. But despite what you might have heard, the amount of sleep your toddler takes doesn't impact on his capacity to learn and develop. You can find out more here.

• Worried that your toddler is grizzling and dialling up due to lack of sleep. But if you take off the sleep lens when your toddler dials up, and put on the sensory lens, life becomes a lot more relaxed and enjoyable, overall. You can trust your toddler's sleep regulators, her body clock and sleep pressure, to take the sleep she needs.

What does it really mean to take off the sleep lens and put on the sensory motor lens?

You are the one who knows your toddler the best. You'll know when his sleep pressure is rising, so that he is becoming more fragile, more likely to grizzle and fuss. But that doesn't mean that you need to put him down to sleep straight away.

I often tell parents a story about my own sleep pressure, which is rising rather high if I come in after a long day of work at seven o'clock in the evening, let's say. I could lie down and go to sleep right there and then! But I don't, because I know that going to sleep at seven o'clock in the evening would disrupt my body clock setttings. I would find myself waking at three in the morning, or I'd wake up and lie awake for a few hours in the night. I wait until my sleep pressure is very high, at half past nine or ten o'clock in the evening, before I go to bed. This way, my body clock stays aligned with the body clock of other people around me, and with day and night. I might yawn during the day, or notice some tiredness, but that doesn't mean I should immediately go to sleep! I try to keep my sleep regulators operating in a healthy way, so that I can live a vital life.

The days are easiest when you're caring for a toddler if you experiment with your superpowers to keep your toddler dialled down until the sleep pressure is really high, and she drops off to sleep easily.

The way you use your toddler sleep superpower #1, of flexible feeds, will vary depending on whether you're breastfeeding or not. For as long as you are breastfeeding, you can use the breast as a powerful tool for dialling your little one down, which might end up in a nap when the sleep pressure is high enough. If you're not breastfeeding, you might still use milk to dial your toddler down at times. You can find out about bottle use in toddlers here.

As your toddler grows, and especially if you're not breastfeeding, experimenting with toddler sleep superpower #2, rich sensory motor adventures, may become your main focus. Diverse sensory motor experiences keep your toddler dialled down so that the sleep regulators work easily. In this way, daytime naps take care of themselves when the sleep pressure is high, in the midst of a satisfying day outside the home with your toddler, meeting your own needs for social contact, getting tasks done, and exercising or walking.

If your toddler naps in the midst of light, noise and lots of activity, she'll only take the sleep she really needs to take the edge off the rising sleep pressure. You're not trying to get your toddler to sleep. You're not trying to keep your toddler asleep. You're just trying to live the most enjoyable day for yourself that you can, keeping your toddler reasonably dialled down.

Sleep doesn’t breed sleep, although you might hear this said. The problem with big naps during the day is that over time, depending on your child’s sleep needs, your toddler could end up with a disrupted body clock and excessive night waking, which can be miserable for families. You can find out about this here.