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Spend time with kind and encouraging people when you're caring for a baby or toddler

Dr Pamela Douglas22nd of Jul 202323rd of May 2024

two young women breastfeed while sitting on steps of building

This is a photo of my daughter, on the left, with a dear friend of hers - another Australian - who lived on the block in Brooklyn NYC and who had a baby about the same time. Each of them had an older child, too.

What I wanted for my daughter in those years when she was caring for a baby or toddler is exactly what I would want for you. I wanted her to be surrounded by people who respected her, who enjoyed her, who revelled in her strengths and tenderly allowed her limitations, without judgement or condemnation. (For we all have strengths and limitations, that's the truth.)

I wanted her to feel that she had friends she could reach out to nearby, who would be there for her when she was struggling. I especially held this hope in my heart for my daughter because she and the children lived (and still live) so far away from me.

I also wanted her to feel empowered enough to step back from people who might judge her harshly, or fail to respect how hard she was trying as a mother, or worse, who might treat her with contempt.

We are all prone to judging others and we all make mistakes, regularly. There would be friendships where it is worth raising the judgement that you're feeling as a problem, and working through it together. But there are also situations that are best to avoid, groups that just don't work out, personalities that you might have the strength to be around some days but not on others.

I hope you are spending time with kind and encouraging people, limiting time spent in friendships that don't feel right, and taking care to seek out more new friends who are kind and encouraging, just as many as you can find.

We need to create our own 'village' when we have a baby or toddler.

Recommended resources, acknowledgements, and selected references for the articles in the Caring for you section of The Possums Sleep Program are found here, including selected research evaluations of both Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Compassion-focused Therapy in the perinatal period.

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Next up in your self-compassion superpowers

Spend as much time in nature as possible when you're caring for a baby or toddler

dark skinned mother plays joyously with baby outside in nature

Spending time in green or blue spaces is not only good for your little one's sleep, it's good for your own body and mind!

Regularly spending time outdoors in a green or blue space helps make days with a baby or toddler more enjoyable, and the family's sleep more manageable. The natural environment dials babies and toddlers down, which helps with sleep both day and night.

You could experiment with...

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    Try paying mindful attention during small and ordinary tasks when you're caring for a baby or toddler
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    Make time to do small things that you enjoy in the midst of your life with a baby or toddler
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    Get creative about physical activity (outside the house) when you're caring for a baby
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