You could create a virtual or physical place of beauty and safety to visit sometimes when you're caring for a baby or toddler

Find an object or a physical place which reminds you of 'the big picture'

An image is a form of thinking that is rich in sensory information. Remembering or creating an image comes with certain feelings because our brain reads the image as if it is somewhat real. These emotions powerfully sculpt neural pathways, which become default networks.

You can use images to help you remember the big picture when the going is tough. But what is the big picture, for you?

• When it comes to sleep, it might be remembering that your baby or toddler will grow and develop and sleep through the night as time passes – and that this will happen sooner than you can imagine right now. That this is just one season in your life, which will pass.

• It might be remembering that even though you'll do your best, your child's development is influenced by many factors outside your control, include your little one's genes. Letting life with your little one be as easy and enjoyable as possible is important, without feeling that your child's future depends entirely upon your efforts.

You are currently on a heroic journey, guided by your values

Your responses to your baby or toddler, for instance, in the night, are laying down pathways in your baby’s brain for a lifetime. You are building up good habits for your child at a time when her little brain is incredibly plastic.

You are teaching your little one that there is no need to be afraid, that he is not alone. You are teaching your little one the good habit of knowing that when she cries out for help, she is surrounded by loving arms. What a gift you are giving to this little being! In our strange modern world, mothers or primary carers often feel completely on their own, with few people to tell them they are doing something heroic, or epic, or extraordinary. But you are. You are creating the future of this planet.

So you have to remind yourself, over and over, just how courageously loving you're being (even though of course you'll also stuff up at times), as you go about caring for your little one.

Physical objects or places help you remember the big picture when you forget

Our human brain responds to objects and physical places and memories of objects and places with bodily sensations and emotions. We can harness this as a superpower.

• You could find a picture or object that reminds you that your life flows on through great seasonal changes, good times and hard times, day and night, summer and winter, full moon and new moon. Then put your special object somewhere that you frequent, like by the mirror above the bathroom sink or the hot water jug in the kitchen.

• Do you have a place in your home or near your home that feels particularly nurturing or safe to you? Can you create a special physical place inside your home where you can display a few precious objects or photos which remind you of being loved and cared for?

I have framed photos of places or objects that are sacred to me hanging against the yellow walls of my bedroom. One of them is a framed photo of The Bronze Weaver. Then there is a little wrought iron table and chair from Bunnings that I’ve put up the back on my neglected back terrace, amidst the gum trees and bracken and wattle. I don’t go up there much, but I think about that table and chairs often! When I do sit there, I can see the sky and the horizon and I can hear the breeze in the leaves. If I venture up there at night I can see the stars. Very occasionally during the day I take a moment to throw down a mat and rest on the ground in the backyard, looking up through the trees to the sky.

Just looking at my photos of sacred things, or even just thinking about being up the back under the eucalypts and wattle helps me remember that life is all so much bigger than me, that so much is out of my control, that often the best way to live is to surrender to the particular season I’m living through, without fighting it. I can’t push against a river. I can only swim with its current and be carried towards the other side.

Selected references

Adams MJ. A "forgotten" bronze ship and a recently discovered bronze weaver from Eastern Indonesia: a problem paper. Asian Perspectives. 1977;20(1):87-109.

Recommended resources, acknowledgements, and selected references for the articles in the Caring for you section of The Possums Sleep Program are found here, including selected research evaluations of both Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Compassion-focused Therapy in the perinatal period.