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It's biologically normal for babies to need physical contact, feeds and comfort when they wake in the night

Dr Pamela Douglas3rd of Sep 202321st of May 2024

woman breastfeeding a baby in night

It's normal for your baby to need your physical presence and comfort in the night. If you are able to respond to your baby in a physical way, with feeds and cuddles, sleep is easiest overall. You can find out why breastfeeding your baby back to sleep, or using milk in a bottle to feed your baby back to sleep, doesn't cause bad habits, here and here.

From an evolutionary perspective, human beings are social sleepers. From the beginning of time, human babies and toddlers have slept up close to their mothers' or other loving adults' bodies. As adults, many of us still prefer to be sleeping next to a loving partner, if we can.

You may not be a parent who chooses to have your little one in your bed. After six or 12 months of age, you might decide to have her sleeping in her own room. Parents know what's right in their own unique situation. But wherever you are sleeping your little one, responding to your baby in the night when she cries out teaches her trust.

In Western societies from after the Industrial Revolution, parents have been advised to hasten independence in their babies and toddlers, including with sleep. Authorities have given parents a lot of information which we now know, from the latest sciences of attachment psychology and child development, is simply not true. This out-of-date information has included telling parents that babies

  • Develop greater independence and psychological maturity if parents are careful not to 'spoil' them

  • Should not be exposed to too much stimulation, to protect the developing nervous system

  • Sleep best by minimising sensory motor stimulation before sleep

  • Require spacing out of feeds, so that they don't develop bad habits and become needy

  • Shouldn't be picked up and offered comfort most times when they cry, because this makes them needy

  • Should sleep in their own room to teach them independence

  • Will develop bad sleep habits and become needy if they are breastfed or bottle fed every time they seem to want it

  • Shouldn't be cuddled or held or carried too much because this creates bad sleep habits, is too hard for parents, and also makes your little one needy.

Throughout my life-time, I've watched courageous evolutionary anthropologists and breastfeeding advocates speak out and critique the medical and psychology establishments over the advice listed above, explaining that these approaches come from a specific (Western) cultural perspective.

Now, all the neuroscience tells us that responding to your baby in the night teaches your little one good habits - most importantly, the good habit of believing that life, and those she loves, can be trusted. This good habit will help your baby form trusting, secure relationships, for the rest of her life.

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Next up in night-time sleep science

You get at least as much good quality sleep if you're breastfeeding as parents who formula feed

asian mother breastfeeds baby in bed

Here are three myths that have now been busted about baby sleep and breastfeeding. You might find this information comforting as you find your way through (or breastfeed your way through) the days and nights with your little one.

This article might also bring up grief for those courageous women who did all they could to make breastfeeding work, before accepting they needed to formula feed their baby. If this is you, there is more here.

Myth #1. Formula fed babies sleep better

For a long time, parents were told that formula feeding their baby resulted in better sleep. So when they were feeling horribly sleep-deprived, it was tempting to introduce bottles of formula, in the hope this would help. But the research has now proven that this belief isn't true. In fact, breastfeeding women have

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