Evenings are a time of heightened sensory needs and biological vulnerability for babies and toddlers (and maybe for grown-ups, too)

Babies and toddlers are more likely to need closeness and comfort as the sun sets and evening settles in, due to our evolutionary history

As sunset approaches, our babies and toddlers often become more unsettled, that is, more dialled up and fearful. Very young babies are particularly biologically vulnerable from late afternoon into the evenings, when they are more likely to cry.

At this time of day, our little ones need

• Lots of loving physical contact

• Frequent flexible feeds (depending on your little one's age), and

• Rich sensory motor nourishment

to help them feel safe, and as dialled down as possible.

From an evolutionary perspective, babies and toddlers are particularly biologically vulnerable to the dangers of darkness (such as predatory animals or getting lost) as the sun sets and night-time settles in around us. This tendency to be afraid as the sun sets is another way the great circadian rhythms of life, governed by the sun, show up in very young humans, affecting their emotions as well as every cell in their little bodies through complex neurohormonal pathways.

In most cultures of the global majority, evenings remain highly social, a time when family and friends gather together, often over food. Yet evenings in the family home in our Western societies are often a time when one exhausted parent, or two exhausted parents, are counting down the hours until their small child or children sleep, so that they can have a break. It is normal to feel this way.

The problem is that as a result, evenings in Western societies tend to be a time of low sensory stimulation for babies and toddlers, just when they crave very high levels of sensory motor nourishment, including high levels of physical contact. If the baby or toddler dials up, parents may believe it’s time for sleep. But the baby or toddler may be dialling up from the need for sensory or motor adventure, with the sleep pressure not yet very high.

As a result, it's common to find ourselves in sleep battles with our children. But sleep battles aren't good for our babies and toddlers, and they aren't good for parental wellbeing and mental health, either.

Of course, the sleep pressure will be rising in the evening, and you will know that your little one is becoming more fragile. But we want to shift the focus on to more play, more sensory experience, and then sleep will come easily, often with a feed (depending on the age of your baby or toddler).

We have a powerful evolutionary need for social contact with other supportive adults when we're caring for a baby or toddler, especially in the evenings

Loneliness is a big and growing problem in Western societies, with significant health impacts. Researchers describe loneliness as both a psychological and biological need for belonging and social contact, driven from an evolutionary perspective by the highly social human mind. It's also clear that we do better after we've had a baby if we have good networks of friendship and family support.

I believe this powerful evolutionary need for closeness with other humans comes to the fore for many of us once the sun sets. I've learnt this from the stories my patients have told me over the years, as well as noticing it in myself. This is why we often like to keep our partners or small children close in bed with us at night, the way humans have done for millennia. Homo sapiens have been social sleepers from the beginning.

Of course, as we're growing up we learn to deeply internalise the knowledge that others care about us and that we're safe, though this can't be rushed. By the time we're adults, most of us have worked out that we are not truly alone, even when we're alone. But some of us are more vulnerable to the fear of being alone than others, right throughout life, and I consider this part of the normal spectrum of humanness.

Vulnerability to feelings of loneliness can also become a lot more noticeable when we are living through a Very Big Thing. Have you noticed that in yourself, now that you're caring for a baby or toddler? Well, those lonely feelings are quite normal - but they tell us it's time to get social, small step by small step. You can find out more here.