Five big things which affect emotional and mental wellbeing when you have a baby or toddler

There are five big things which the research tells us powerfully affect women's mental health and emotional wellbeing after the birth of a baby.

Many other things affect our mental health in the perinatal period, too, of course. But here I look briefly at these five key factors which can often (though not always) be changed with the right help, and how to best take care of yourself if they come up for you.

Although this page is relevant for all parents and carers, and The Possums Sleep Program is inclusive of parents and carers across our many human diversities, you'll notice this page particularly refers to cisgender women. That is because the research I'm referring to focusses on cisgender mothers. If you don't fit this category, I'm so grateful to you for your patience, and ask you to please change the nouns and pronouns to fit your own circumstance and identity.

#1. Breastfeeding problems affect women's mental health and emotional wellbeing

Breastfeeding is a huge and important topic! But you'll discover, if you haven't already, that women receive a great deal of conflicting advice about breastfeeding. This is one of the ways in which our health systems still need to make serious improvements!

I'd like to recommend that you explore Neuroprotective Developmental Care or the Possums programs, not just for sleep challenges, but for breastfeeding challenges, starting here. Also, you might like to consult with an NDC Accredited Practitioner.

If you hoped to breastfeed but have been unable to, you can find out more about taking care of your emotional wellbeing in this situation here.

#2. Disharmony or conflict with a partner or other parent affects women's mental health and emotional wellbeing

A strong relationship with your partner and good parenting team work protects your mental health. The Gottman Institute offers superb, evidence-based online courses which help you keep your parenting team as strong as possible.

Not all of us are parenting with a partner or intimate other. If this is you, there's more here and here.

If you're supporting a primary carer, there are relevant articles in this Caring for you collection under the category How your child's other parent or carer can help.

#3. Not being able to prioritise some time for self-care affects women's mental health and emotional wellbeing

This section in The Possums Sleep Program called Caring for you offers lots of ideas about how to care for your own needs in the midst of it all, once you've had a baby.

#4. Having a baby who cries a lot affects parents' mental health and emotional wellbeing

If your baby cries a lot despite your best efforts, you'll receive huge amounts of conflicting advice. In this situation, which is distressing but common, I recommend that you explore the five-domain NDC or Possums approach to babies who cry and fuss alot. You can find out about this here.

You might also be interested in my book called The discontented little baby book, which is also available in Dutch.

#5. Being socially isolated affects women's mental health and emotional wellbeing

Spend as much time as you can with like-minded parents. This will require bravely searching out or making your own village. You could start by exploring F2F parent groups available near where you live.

Selected references

Antoniou E, Stamoulou P, Tzanoulinou M-D, Orovou E. Perinatal mental health; the role and the effect of the partner: a systematic review. Healthcare. 2021;9(1572):https://doi.org/10.3390/healthcare9111572.

Antoniou E, Tzanoulinou M-D, Stmoulou P. The important role of partner support in women's mental disorders during the perinatal period. A literature review. Meaedica a Journal of Clinical Medicine. 2022;17(1):194-200.

Billings H, Horsman J, Soltani H, Spencer RL. Breastfeeding experiences of women with perinatal mental health problems: a systematic review and thematic synthesis. BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth. 2024;24:582.

Brown A, Rance j, Bennett P. Understanding the relationship between breastfeeding and postnatal depression: the role of pain and physical difficulties. Journal of Advanced Nursing. 2015;273-282.

Coo S, Garcia MI, Prieto F. Quality of mother-infant interaction, breastfeeding, and perinatal mental health. Infant Behavior and Development. 2024;75(101946).

De Barbaro K, Micheletti M, Yao X. Infanty crying predicts real-time fluctuations in maternal mental health in ecologically valid home settings. Developmental Psychology. 2023;59(4):733-744.

De Cock ESA, Henrichs J, Rijk C, Van Bakel HJA. Baby please stop crying: an experimental approach to infant crying, affect, and expected parenting self-efficacy. Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology. 2015;33(4):414-425.

Dias CC, Figueiredo B. Breastfeeding and depression: a systematic review of the literature. Journal of Affective Disorders. 2015;171:142-154.

Hajure M, Seyife AS, Abdu Z. Resilience and mental health among perinatal women: a systematic review. Frontiers in Psychiatry. 2024;15:1373083. doi: 1373010.1373389/fpsyt.1372024.1373083.

Leger J, Letourneau N. New mothers and postpartum depression: a narrative review of peer support intervention studies. Health and Social Care in the Community. 2014:doi:10.1111/hsc.12125.

McLeish J, Ayers S, McCourt C. Community-based perinatal mental health peer support: a realist review. BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth. 2023;23(570): https://doi.org/10.1186/s12884-12023-05843-12888.

Perrella SL, Dix-Matthews A, Williams J, Rea A, Geddes DT. Breastfeeding and maternal perceptions of infant sleep, settle and cry patterns in the first 9 months. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. 2022;19(20):13098.

Schalla MA, Stengel A. The role of stress in perinatal depression and anxiety - a systematic review. Frontiers in Neuroendocrinology 2024;72:101117.

Tucker Z, O'Malley C. Mental health benefits of breastfeeding: a literature review. Cureus. 2022;14(9):e29199.

Recommended resources, acknowledgements, and selected references for articles in the Caring for you section of The Possums Sleep Program are also found here, including selected research evaluations of both Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Compassion-focused Therapy in the perinatal period.