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Experimenting is your secret strength when you're caring for a baby

Dr Pamela Douglas17th of Aug 202321st of May 2024

person in the sea using a stand up paddle board

Experimenting with responses to your baby's communications is a great strength

The capacity to experiment your way through life with your baby is a great strength. The psychological research tells us that people who can be flexible in their responses to life, trying one thing, trying another, are more resilient when faced with life’s challenges. You'll soon find you're constantly experimenting with responses to your baby’s communications, trying something else if the first thing you try doesn’t work to dial him down.

Parents often say to me they have no idea what their baby is communicating. I explain that this is normal. No-one ever really knows what their baby is trying to communicate! But we experiment to see what works.

Experimenting with your responses is like paddle-boarding or surfing

To navigate a river on a paddleboard or in a canoe, or to surf the ocean waves, we're adapting all the time to the swell and movement of the water beneath us. We're repeatedly shifting our weight, adjusting our posture.

Caring for a baby is much like this. We respond, we experiment, we adjust. Some days everything seems reasonably easy. Some days there is a swell or heavy surf and it's very hard going. Sometimes what we try doesn’t work and we fall right off into the water. We get back on and try again.

And again.

That's the nature of experimenting, when we're caring for a baby! Constant problem solving, constantly checking out new ideas to see what feels right, at least for now.

You could call it The Great Muddling Through!

surfer falling off their surfboard

If your baby cries and fusses a lot, you might feel completely at a loss, and demoralised. Having a baby who cries excessively is a crisis for families. If this is your family’s situation, please take a look at the Possums articles on the crying baby, and also have your baby checked over by your family doctor.

Recommended resources

The discontented little baby book. Dr Pamela Douglas

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Next up in the dial on your baby's nervous system

Signs your baby shows when dialling up

fingers turning dial on electronic device

Below, you'll find the signs your baby might show when her sympathetic nervous system is dialling up.

  • No baby shows all of these signs, but you might also find baby does show quite a few of them as he dials up.

  • Parents respond by experimenting with their two superpowers (frequent flexible feeds or sensory nourishment), as they do their best to help him dial back down.

  • You don't need to worry that these are signs of a medical condition, like reflux, allergy, or gut pain or dysbiosis, even though you might often hear that. (If you have concerns about your baby's health, please see your GP.)

  • You can find out about babies...

more articles in the dial on your baby's nervous system

  • 6

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    What is meant by the dial on your baby's nervous system?
  • 8

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    Why responding to your baby matters
  • 2

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    Signs your baby shows when dialling up
  • 3

    minute
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    You know your baby best (even if it doesn't feel like it!)
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