When you're in a sleep emergency and lying awake even though your toddler is asleep

These six topics in the It's an emergency section of The Possums Sleep Program are a place to start if you're in a toddler sleep crisis. To really turn things around over the next couple of weeks, so that the days and nights are as enjoyable as possible, and you're no longer so utterly exhausted and sleep-deprived, please go to the whole of The Possums Toddler Sleep Program, starting here. Or you might like to go to the Brief & simple version first, starting here.

It's awful to find yourself lying awake in the night, desperate for sleep, knowing your toddler might wake again soon. In those dark and lonely hours our minds can tell us lots of unhelpful things, and our bodies can be flooded with feelings of distress and stress.

Here are five steps to take if this is happening to you.

Step 1. Work through The Possums Toddler Sleep Program if your toddler is waking excessively in the night

Has your toddler begun to wake excessively? Is knowing you have so little time to get back to sleep before your toddler wakes again wreaking havoc with your night-time well-being?

Excessive night waking resolves if you use The Possums Toddler Sleep Program. It will take a couple of weeks to reset your little one's body clock, and go back to normal, more manageable night waking. This may be all that you need to return to a better sleeping pattern for yourself.

Step 2. Take practical steps to keep your own body clock healthy

• Start the day at the same time, as early as you can do it.

• Exposure to early morning sunlight helps keep your own body clock healthy.

• Try not to let yourself sleep very much or even at all during the day if you are lying awake regularly in the night while your toddler sleeps.

• Get up after twenty minutes or so if you are lying awake at night, and do something kind for yourself. Go back to bed when you feel sleepy.

• Lower your expectations of how much time you need to be asleep and don’t try to go to bed early to catch up, as this just places more psychological pressure on your sleep and might further disrupt your own body clock.

• Exercise as much as possible during the day. When you are the primary carer for a toddler, this often means walking a lot with your little one in a stroller (or for some, a structured child-carrier backpack).

Step 3. Have another loving adult take over in the nights

Perhaps your little one has had your responsive attention in the night until now. But you may be so severely sleep deprived that it's time to your little one's other parent or carer take over in the night (if you have another adult willing to do this).

You can read more about how to transition your toddler to the night-time care of another adult here. (It's just worth knowing that night weaning won't necessarily result in less night waking, especially when a toddler is less than 24 months of age.)

Step 4. Organise daycare or babysitting for your toddler so that you have predictable times during the week that are just for your own rest, enjoyment, and recovery

By the time primary carers have a toddler, they may find themselves feeling incredibly tired a lot of the time. The little one's needs for rich and changing sensory motor nourishment can be very intense during the day, and the physical and psychological demands of caring for a small person have been unremitting for many months now. It may be time to prioritise giving yourself regular blocks of time out - not for paid work, but to do the things that care for your body and soul.

Once they've adjusted, toddlers generally enjoy the very rich sensory motor nourishment that comes from time spent in daycare in the company of other children.

Step 5. Prioritise taking care of your emotional and mental wellbeing

By the time the little one is one year old, it often feels to primary carers, in particular, as though they've been running a marathon since their child was born. You might feel exhausted beyond words with the minute-by-minute physical and psychological demands of caring for this precious little being, and yet the finish line is nowhere to be seen.

The section in The Possums Toddler Sleep Program called Caring for you offers proven strategies for managing distressing thoughts and feelings, and for strengthening up your capacity for self-compassion. These strategies are so important to know about at this time of life - and even more important if you find yourself in the middle of a toddler sleep emergency.

Please do see your GP if you have concerns about your own mental or physical health.