What to do if your baby only sleeps in the carrier or when being held?

Your baby only sleeps in the carrier or when being held during the day

Parents have often said to me over the years that the only way they can keep their baby asleep during the day is in their arms or in the carrier.

But if your baby wakes up when you take her out of the carrier or put her down out of your arms, then her sleep pressure isn't high enough to sustain sleep. We really can trust your baby's biological sleep regulators (that is, her body clock and sleep pressure) to take the sleep she needs. So if she wakes when you put her down, it means that she's had enough sleep for now!

Parents often have questions about this.

• You might have heard that you need to get big blocks of sleep from your baby during the day for her to learn and develop properly, which isn't true. Baby sleep needs are highly variable. Babies often need a lot less sleep than everyone thinks.

• Of course, you might be desperately needing a break, and keeping baby asleep in your arms or in the carrier gives you some kind of time out! All parents have days when they decide they need that! The main thing is to know that a pattern of long naps during the day, in the womb-like situation of the carrier or being cuddled up against you, can actually make your baby's sleep a lot worse at night, though this make take a few weeks to become apparent.

• Your baby wakes up crying when you put her down, and you might worry this is a sign that she needs to go back to sleep. However, it's biologically normal for babies to cry when they find themselves away from the parent's arms or body. This will eventually change as your baby grows older, but we can't rush it. It doesn't mean that your baby needs to go back to sleep. Instead, experiment with one or both of your two superpowers, perhaps a quick transitional breastfeed, and then on with the day's sensory motor adventures, to dial your baby down.

Taking care of your own needs is essential. You might also be interested to read the section in The Possums Sleep Program called Caring for you, which has many ideas for making the days and nights as easy and enjoyable as possible when you have a baby, starting here.

Your baby only sleeps on you at night

If your baby only sleeps when he is in your arms or lying on top of your chest or body in the night, then the same sleep fact applies: baby's sleep pressure isn't high enough to keep him deeply asleep for a block of time. However, when this occurs regularly at night, it's a serious problem which needs to be addressed!

Most commonly, parents describe having to keep their baby on their body through the night when their little one is still in the first couple of months of life. It happens because baby's body clock is not yet in sync with theirs.

• If this is the situation you're in, please work through the section called Night-times.

• If your baby will only sleep on you in the night and is still a newborn (four weeks of age or less), you can find out more here.