Why won't your baby breastfeed off to sleep during the day?

Breastfeeding is a form of sensory nourishment and babies don't always take in milk with breastfeeds

Milk is not necessarily about filling up the tummy. Breastfeeding offers a dose of rich sensory motor nourishment: a powerful dose of your body, your warmth, your scent, the reassurance of your surrounding closeness and touch.

It's not helpful to try to distinguish between when your baby is wanting milk in the tummy and when your baby wants to be close to your body, receiving a dose of sensory nourishment from you by suckling. If you are happy to offer the breast frequently and flexibly over a 24-hour period, using your breast as a tool to dial your baby down, your baby will take the milk she needs without you having to think about it (as long as any underlying breastfeeding problems have been dealt with).

Here are the two most common reasons why a baby doesn't feed off to sleep during the day.

• Your baby's sleep pressure is not yet high enough for sleep.

• Your baby doesn’t want to be at the breast for long. This is normal, and becomes more common the older your baby grows. Babies can transfer surprising amounts of milk in a very short time - and might have wanted to be at the breast for sensory motor nourishment rather than for milk, anyway.

Frequent and flexible breastfeeds won’t help with easy sleep if your baby has an undetected breastfeeding problem

When a woman has breastfeeding problems, her baby may not breastfeed to sleep easily. If your baby is unable to dial down with breastfeeds as a pattern over time, this could be because:

• Your baby has a problem getting stable at the breast. Repeated fussing and back arching and difficulty staying on the breast is often a sign of positional instability, which can be helped with the gestalt method of breastfeeding support. You can find out about the gestalt method here.

• Your baby has developed a conditioned dialling up with breastfeeds. This is a distressing problem. The sooner it is addressed, the better. I discuss conditioned dialling up with breastfeeds in detail here.

• Some babies don’t feed off to sleep at the breast because their mother has a very generous production of milk, and their tummy is full before they’ve been able to relax down into the repetitive, soothing movements of suckling. This is not a breastfeeding problem actually if your baby is growing well and doesn't have a lactose overload. But these babies can need lots of sensory motor stimulation to keep them dialled down while their sleep pressure is rising, since they are too full to keep suckling at the breast.

Marathon breastfeeds are not a sign that your baby is resisting sleep

Frequent flexible breastfeeds make the days easier, not harder. If you feel as if you are breastfeeding all the time, or are locked into the breastfeeding chair, or are 'marathon' feeding, we need to look out for underlying problems.

It could be that

• Your baby’s sleep pressure is not high enough for sleep (but baby is happy to take the breast whenever you offer). This is where it's helpful to experiment with taking off the sleep lens, and putting on the sensory motor nourishment lens.

• Your baby is dialling up because of a need for richer sensory motor experience in the low sensory interior environment of your home, rather than for a breastfeed. Your baby will take the breast anyway if you are inside the home, just because it’s the most interesting thing available! In this case, planning days that are largely out of the house may mean that your baby breastfeeds less. When you've had enough of feeding your baby, take him off and begin a sensory adventure (by stepping outdoors, for instance).

• There is an undetected breastfeeding problem resulting in poor milk transfer and not enough weight gain, which requires health professional help.

Sometimes people might tell you that your baby keeps on breastfeeding and won't go off to sleep because she's 'resisting' sleep, but you can read here for a more helpful way of making sense of this.

You don’t need to cuddle your baby after breastfeeding to help her take enough sleep

Sometimes, you might decide to hold your sleeping baby close after a breastfeed just because you are enjoying the closeness with your precious little being. Or you might be needing some time out and you know that your baby is more likely to stay asleep if you keep holding her.

It's normal to have the occasional day when you decide to keep your baby asleep on you so that you can meet your own immediate need to sit and do nothing, or check out social media, or take a break or whatever!

But if you are holding or breastfeeding your baby for long periods during the day to keep your baby asleep, as a pattern over time, it helps to know this often accidentally sets up disrupted sleep patterns and excessive night waking down the track.

Babies cry when put down because they need to be close to the body of a loving adult

Babies often wake when we put them down. This is normal. They often need only a small amount of sleep to take the edge of their rising sleep pressure. Babies cry on waking, not because of pain or because of a need for more sleep, but for the physical and emotional comfort of being up close to your body, which is a rich form of sensory nourishment.

Perhaps giving your baby ten or 15 minutes to fall into deep sleep after she's gone to sleep at the breast then putting her down, makes sure that she only takes the daytime sleep that she really needs.

Why burping, holding baby upright after feeds, and wrapping your baby can make sleep harder than it needs to be

Believe it or not, burping your baby or holding your baby upright after a feed, or wrapping your baby for sleep, can interfere with your baby’s lovely neurohormonal sleepiness after feeds. These practices don't help babies sleep better, despite what you might hear, and can actually make sleep much harder than it needs to be for you and your family.

You can find out more about burping here and here. You can find out more about wrapping your baby here and here.