Being able to bring our attention back into the present moment is the key to mental and emotional wellbeing, life-long

It’s not possible to be in the present moment 100% of the time. I love losing myself in a good book, for instance, or a movie, and sometimes I like to daydream.

What matters is your capacity to notice where your attention is, and then to bring your attention back into the present moment, over and over. The research shows that this capacity to tenderly control where you place your attention is the basis for good mental health and wellbeing, not just when you have a baby or toddler, but throughout the whole of your life.

Women and parents get through this incredibly challenging time caring for a little one by simply showing up and paying attention in this minute, and the next minute, and the next minute. That's how you get through.

So at the end of the day, what matters is not how often you were elsewhere in your brain, worrying about future things or turning over memories and sensations from the past. What matters is how often you manage to catch yourself being caught up in unhelpful or repetitive negative thoughts, and then gently coax your attention back into the present moment.

Bringing our attention home to the present moment is as easy as a drop of water, falling

Sometimes an exhausted woman looks at me, baby bouncing on her lap, and says: "That just seems like something else I have to do." I know exactly what she means. She is already more tired than she could ever have imagined.

But I tell her gently that it's not something she has to do. It's more like falling.

I say: "Let it be easy, like breathing out. Like a drop of water, falling."

This is how I do it. I remember (yet again, for the one millionth time) that I want to gently return my attention to the present moment. So I let go of effort, and gently drop right back in. I begin noticing things again.

This is how we get through life, I think, and definitely the way to get through these days of caring for a little one: returning over and over again to the mysterious generosity of the present moment, which lies there waiting for us, always.

Recommended resources

The five mindfulness myths. Dr Russ Harris

Recommended resources, acknowledgements, and selected references for the articles in the Caring for you section of The Possums Sleep Program are found here, including selected research evaluations of both Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Compassion-focused Therapy in the perinatal period.