Slow deep breathing really does help sometimes when you're caring for a baby or toddler

Why deep breathing helps

When we are dealing with a challenging situation (like caring for a baby or toddler), we might find ourselves experiencing high levels of sympathetic nervous system arousal sometimes. Our heart rate and blood pressure increase, we may notice feelings of anxiety in our body, and we might even become somewhat shaky and flushed.

Bringing our attention to our own breathing is a simple yet powerful way of dropping anchor into the present moment. We notice our body's sensations and feelings as we take the deep breaths, without trying to get rid of them because it usually doesn't help to try to make feelings go away.

Othertimes, the deep breathing might actually help our body dial down. Consciously taking deep breaths, which we allow to roll down into our belly, then exhaling slowly, switches on the parasympathetic nervous system. The parasympathetic nervous system is part of our body's innate soothing system.

Noticing and working with the breath are an important part of many physical and spiritual traditions, which have been practiced for millenia. However, we don't need to set ourselves up in special places or even alter what we are doing to practice deep breathing. Usually the demands of the present moment with a baby or toddler make it impossible to sit down and formally engage breathing practices, anyway!

We want this to be easy. You're always breathing. So what could be easier than noticing the tides of your breath, in and out, in and out?

Of course, if you're like me you'll be constantly distracted but that doesn't matter. Next time I remember - perhaps when I'm feeling stressed again, or when my mind has gone off into unhelpful thoughts - I begin once more, taking a deep breath, feeling the air (the life-giving mystery of our planet's atmosphere) flow into my body, opening up my chest and belly ... then letting it go.

You could try box breathing

'Box breathing' can be a powerful little strategy if you're feeling particularly dialled up. By box breathing, I mean that you

• Slowly count to four as you breathe in

• Hold your breath and count to four

• Breathe out as you count to four

• Hold your breath and count to four, before breathing in again.

There's no reason why box breathing has to be to the count of four though. The idea is that you slow down your breathing by pausing after you've breathed out, and then pausing again after you've taken a breath. You can do this in a way that suits you and your body. Try to make it easy, something you just have a go at every now and then without feeling you've got to get it right.

Recommended resources

The sympathetic nervous system and parasympathetic nervous system. Dr Russ Harris

Selected references

Balban M, Yilmaz, Neri E, Kogon MM, Weed L. Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal. Cell Reports Medicine. 2023;4(1):100895.

Perciavalle V, Blandini M, Fecarotta P. The role of deep breathing on stress. Neurological Sciences. 2017;38:451-458.

Other recommended resources, acknowledgements, and selected references for the articles in the Caring for you section of The Possums Sleep Program are found here, including selected research evaluations of both Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Compassion-focused Therapy in the perinatal period.